Tending to that other baby...

So for the few strangers out there who happen upon our blog and don't already know who we are, along with being Holden's mom, I am also a PhD candidate in art history. This means I have another baby named "dissertation" that I am working to bring into this world. Recently, this baby has been going through the "terrible twos"--and I've had to spend a lot of time nurturing it (ie applying for grants), which is why I've been somewhat lagging on my blog-posting duties. But now, after a whirlwind of conference talks, proposals, and grant applications, my schedule is finally easing up a bit. And what better way to mark this moment than to start the first in a series of posts that focuses on balancing mothering and academia.

Here's the obvious: balancing it all can be tough. It can cause bouts of guilt. You can make you start to question your choices, and there are moments when a person doing this going into academia, especially, wonders if there's any point at all to this whole project. But for me, I can't imagine not working. And more than that--I've found myself even more productive in school since I had a child, and more fulfilled as a parent when I take the time to nurture my intellectual side. But as many out there in academia have noted, there are a lot of obstacles to overcome in this particular career field. Hence, my decision to spend a little more time talking about this issue over the coming days.

hangin' with daddy...

Bryna is out of town this weekend, so the boy and I are just hangin' at home. This morning, we dumped out some boxes of clothes that Holden's cousin Joey is letting us borrow (yay!), and Holden had fun trying on some new hats ... while sitting in a laundry basket, of course.

Then, at lunch, Holden seemed to want to eat a banana by himself, so I just handed it over -- the whole thing. He broke it in half, and quickly devoured it bite by bite. He's definitely been wanting to feed himself more and more recently, using a spoon on his own and also grabbing bigger and bigger pieces of food.

I've been trying to take some new videos of Holden, but he just won't stay still long enough for me to get any usable footage. However, I'm working on it ... and I hope to upload a short video montage soon.

ready for the holidays?

If Holden takes after his mom, he's already getting excited about the Holiday Season. Or maybe he's just mesmerized by the glitter in Imran's snow globes (foul temptress).

Big Transition Week

This week has been a big transition week for Holden ... and also a fairly rough week, too. The really big transition that I speak of is Holden's official move from the "infant room" to the "toddler room" at daycare. This process started on Monday, with Holden spending 2 hours in his new room, and the rest of the day back with his infant buddies -- and a bit more time each day, until tomorrow when he will spend the whole day with his new, older (and much bigger) friends.

Apparently youngsters Holden's age are very sensitive to transitions like this, and there has been lots of ink spilled about how best to handle such a move. After reading some of the research (yes, in my spare time ... or something like that), our daycare center seems to actually know what they are doing. It's key that Holden has some exposure to his new room before the transition ... check! It's also very important that he get some time to see his old room during the transition ... check! Our center has really been transitioning him ever since he arrived back in September, as he's been spending time in the "toddler room" for several months, getting to know the space, teachers, and other kids.

So Holden's been taking to the transition really well! In fact, his first nap on the toddler beds (ie. small cots that lay close to the ground) was today, and he slept longer that any other kid in his new class -- take that new kids! And despite a few bewildered mornings, Holden seems to really like his new digs. Of course, I'm keeping my eye on the biggest kid in the room, who has already thrown a toy at Holden ... he'd better not mess with my boy, or he'll have hell to pay (come on, I'm allowed to play up the toddler drama a bit, right?).

Other than his transition, Holden has been having a rough week -- probably because of teething. He's had several nights where he has woken up very upset, and has been really hard to get back to sleep (or, at least, we haven't experienced anything like this for a while, so it may seem more traumatic than it is). Who knows ... maybe Holden is truly upset about his move to the toddler room at daycare, and his anxiety is being taken out late at night when mommy and daddy are fast asleep. Ahhhhh, parenting.

Anyway, I thought I'd provide a quick update, since this has been a long yet important week. Out little H-bomb is truckin' through it, and so are we.

Busy Mommy

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....or so goes my life right now as a PhD student trying to juggle grant applications, conference papers, and a walking toddler. Since Holden started daycare, my academic work has kicked into high gear, and I've had hardly a moment to fully process--and put into words--my thoughts on this first year as a mother. That said, I really do have much to say on the matter, and promise, after a whirlwind round of deadlines passes in the next couple of weeks, that I will reflect back on the year.

traumatic doctor's visit

Yesterday, Holden has his scheduled 1-year doctor appointment. No big deal -- I've brought him to other doctor's appointments before when he gets weighed, measured, a quick check-up, and then usually some shots to keep on track with his immunizations. While Holden never likes the shots, he's always really good about it and only cries for a minute. Everything pretty much went as usual for his 1-year visit, except after they asked me if I wanted to have him tested for lead (which required a blood sample). Since we live in a very old house, I thought this would be a good idea -- and our pediatrician also encouraged us to get the blood test. So after we left their office, we headed down to the 3rd floor to the Lab for Holden to get some blood taken for this test ... and that was the beginning of the most traumatic experience Holden (or me) has had since his birth!!!

First of all, the place that we were sent to for this test was called LabCorps, Inc. So it sounds basically like some company that just does tests like this all day long, probably staffed by nurses who are trying to get this done as quickly as possible (but perhaps not as painlessly as possible). But I wasn't worried, because I had assumed that taking a blood sample from a baby would essentially be like getting another shot (I mean, how much blood do they really need?!). Holden's name was called, and in we went. After rolling up Holden's sleeve, the nurse asked me to give him a big bear hug to help hold him still, and then in she went with the needle (attached to a long tube with a bottle at the end of it) ... and Holden began howling like a wild animal!!! Wow, I've never heard him shriek and scream like that before, with tears pouring down his face. The nurse was obviously having trouble keeping the needle in his arm, as he used all of his strength to wiggle and kick and convulse. After about 3 or 4 minutes of this, she stopped (and I thought, "oh good, that is over ... what a nightmare, but at least we're done"). WRONG! She didn't get enough blood, so she needed to try again on Holden's other arm. WHAT??!!??!!

The nurse went to go get another nurse (his name was Nicolai), and all three of us held Holden as she made attempt #2 to take the blood sample. This time, Holden's screaming reached a whole new level (on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1o being the sound of a baby seal being beaten with a blunt object, Holden's screaming probably reached a 12). It took forever for them to get enough blood this time (WAY more than I ever thought would be needed for a test like this), but eventually it was all over. Holden calmed down (although he was shaking for another 10-15 minutes after this). As we walked back into the waiting room and then to the elevator, I realized that everyone on that floor of the office building had heard Holden's screams. One woman said to me, "I hope you punched whoever was doing that to your poor little baby." I agree, I should have punched the nurse ... and Nicolai (although I'm pretty sure he could take me).

Moral of this story: don't agree to any blood test for your baby unless it is absolutely necessary. That was an awful experience, and it's going to take me a while to get over it (I'm sure Holden has already forgotten about it ... or, at least I hope so). And this was on top of 4 shots he received at the doctor's visit, so our poor little guy was sporting 6 band-aids yesterday. I bet all the other kids at daycare thought they were cool!

'now life begins': a reflection on year one

Exactly one year has passed since our little Short Stranger came into our lives, and, I have to admit, reflecting on the last 365 days is not an easy task. Perhaps part of my problem is that the past year has felt like ten years -- mostly because a life without Holden seems so distant and unfathomable. My entire being has changed since this day last year, often in ways that seem difficult to describe. Before Holden was born, people tried to explain how much things would change and what it would mean to have a whole new life to care for (and I'm sure I try to tell that to other people a bunch now, too). For me, it did not begin to sink in until a tiny newborn Holden grabbed a hold of my finger in his first few moments of life outside the womb -- and I thought to myself ... "now life begins."


In another way, the past year has gone by in a flash. I can't believe Holden is one year old! He is no longer a baby, but is becoming a boy. He's moving up to the toddler room at daycare in a week or two, and he's been having the first real burst of separation anxiety (which probably also makes me more sentimental about the year past). It's also amazing to think that in the past 2-3 months we've transitioned to having someone else take care of Holden for almost half of his waking hours (but I can't imagine how it would have worked any other way -- and the experience is good for Holden, esp. as he moves to a class with more kids his age).

I know that it seems cliche to write about "how much has changed in the past year" or "how fast they grow up," but this is so much different than those times when you sit on your birthday and review the year gone by and the things you've accomplished (ie. got that promotion at work, learned how to tango, traveled to Europe, feel older ... but only slightly and when I look closely at myself in the mirror). For me, today is a much different type of retrospection -- which has left me at a loss to adequately describe the last year, and what to expect from the next year. I do know that every day with Holden in our lives is awesome, and I know that Holden's mom -- and my wife, Bryna -- absolutely rocks! We got through this past year as a team, and I'm looking forward to countless years ahead shared together.

Happy birthday to Holden ... and congratulations to us for making it to this big milestone with our Short Stranger!

Birthday/Halloween Weekend

While Holden doesn't officially turn 1 year old until tomorrow (about 23 hours from now, to be precise), we decided to have his big birthday bash this past Saturday -- the day before Halloween. Other than being an exhausting weekend, it was very fun and Holden had a blast! Both sets of grandparents came into town to see their little guy celebrate the big day, and lots of friends (young and old ... I mean, middle-aged) came, too.

And as with every 1-year-old birthday party, the highlight of the evening was Holden's attempt to eat cake (or cupcake, in this case -- I baked pumpkin cupcakes for the event, which were good except for the frosting). To everyone's chagrin, Holden did not make a huge mess out of his cupcake and get frosting in his hair. He was a bit more meticulous at eating his cupcake, but messy nonetheless.

Sunday was Halloween, so we prepped ourselves and Holden for his first trick-or-treating outing. Holden was a monkey for his first Halloween, and super cute! He loved his costume (and he might even end up wearing it again this fall, since he seemed so cozy in it).

We headed out to my brother's house so that Holden could join his 3 cousins as they ransacked their neighborhood in search of candy. And Holden loved hanging with the older kids, especially his oldest cousin Matt who helped make sure he got candy at each house we stopped at. At the beginning, Holden had no idea what was going on, but by the third house he totally figured out this whole "trick-or-treat" thing -- that was when he toddled up to the front of the group, held his trick-or-treat bag high in the air, and made a sound that might as well have been his version of Adam Sandler's "Hey look at me! Now give me some candy!"

Even though we only stopped at 4 or 5 houses, Holden came away with a small stash of goodies (including a bunch of quarters, and a can of Pepsi ... yes, one of the houses was giving out cans of Pepsi). Before ending the night, we quickly walked down our street with Holden to stop at some neighbors' houses. Hopefully next year we will have the time to be able to decorate more for Halloween (it's kind of a big thing on our street), but our house stayed dark this year.

I'm not going to start reflecting on the year that has passed (that needs a whole other post), but it is crazy to think that a year ago Holden was a bit over 6 pounds and brand new to this world ... and now he's trick-or-treating with his cousins on Halloween.

So Snuggly

A few weeks ago Holden came down with his first major sickness, complete with a 104 degree, and while it was a tough weekend with a long nights, there was a little part of us that loved it too, because our little explorer was just so darn cuddly.

A lot can change in one year...

Man, that's the understatement of the century. At this time last year, we were anxiously anticipating the arrival of the little guy; here's our 39-week bump post from then. He didn't even have a name at this point last year ... just the ubiquitous "short stranger," or "baby awesome." We were as ready as we could get for this life change, and enjoying our last days of freedom (going out, going on walks, enjoying good meals, etc.). About a year ago this weekend, Bryna (toting the Short Stranger) and I went out to Eckert's Farm in Illinois to go pumpkin picking, and to simply spend some time enjoying fall.

One year later, and our lives are quite different. It feels like Holden has been a part of our life for much longer than just under a year (although I suppose if you add 9 months to that, he's been with us for more like just under 2 years). No complaints on this end, though -- things are certainly different, but not in a bad way. Holden has been such a rockstar baby (and now soon to be toddler), and he's been teaching US a lot about life, too. Every week brings challenges, amazing moments, utter silliness, and milestones that seem to blast past us.

Yesterday, we brought Holden out to the same farm/orchard we visited a year ago to do some pumpkin-picking, and he had a blast (although I think Bryna enjoyed the small children's farm more than Holden, with its goats, camel, pigs, and ponies, of course). Another very warm but beautiful fall day, and the drive up the Mississippi River is always stunning.


I have to keep pinching myself that Holden's 1-Year Birthday is just around the corner!! I hope we have enough time in our busy lives to truly savor this moment.

Holden Walks!

OK, so now it's official (without any doubt) -- Holden is walking! Tonight, he all of a sudden decided that it was just his time, and the rest is history (for us, at least). We were not sure if he was going to start walking anytime soon, or just keep taking small bursts of steps each day. Today, I know I was proven wrong. For most of the evening, he walked from one of us to the other without much hesitation. Here's video evidence of his first success at walking.

Now, we enter the new terrifying stage of a baby that walks! Wow! We are so sure that Holden is going to come home from daycare tomorrow with bruises and bumps from falling or tripping as he perfects this new skill ... just wait and see. And we're now pushed to enter a whole new stage of baby-proofing in our house (yikes).

Proud parents, proud baby -- and onward we go at breakneck speed into the life of the once little "Short Stranger."

Chef Holden

No, we haven't forgotten you, readers. We are just very very busy at the moment. To temporarily satiate your interest in the Holden-meister, I present Chef Holden (also known as 'adventures in daycare'). The fact that his teachers could keep this hat on him long enough to take this picture is, in my humble opinion, quite a triumph. I hope this bodes well for his future cooking skills.

sick

I'm not sure if its daycare, changes in the weather, allergies, or all this travel that's making him sick, but Holden's been sporting an off-and-on cold since for almost two months now. (Probably a combination....). And today will be the third time we try to bring him to the doctor, with the hopes that she'll be able to remedy the problem. On the past two occasions Holden merely had a stuffy nose; today he's tired, a bit winy, and feverish. Maybe these colds have finally transformed into an infection in need of antibiotics. In any case, it seems like our luck has run out on having a persistently healthy little one. And it seems the famed curse of daycare holds true for Holden too.

11 Months and a few days

So this month flew by faster than any other, as Holden started daycare, and I started back to school full-time. Holden is enjoying his new daytime hangout quite a bit, as pictured in this photo, in which he's eating his very first pizza. He got to make it himself, which mainly comprised of stuffing shredded cheese into his mouth, apparently.

So much is happening developmentally right now it's hard to chart it right now. He's turning into a toddler right before our eyes. He's picking up words (or what sound something like words), standing on his own, and still so very close to walking. As is always the case we have videos and pictures and thoughts galore that need to be posted. But because life is indeed speeding by, we haven't found the time to post them. Perhaps we'll do a "highlights" post at the 1-yr mark to get it all in. Hard to believe it's been one year.

Holden rocks his first flight ... and wedding

There were two big exciting moments during our recent trip to North Carolina:
1) Bob and Lindsay got married (yay!)
2) Holden took his first flight

To start with, Bryna's brother's wedding was beautiful and lots of fun! They had their wedding outside at a really cool old house in Raleigh, NC. We got to meet Bob and Lindsay's friends in Raleigh, as well as Bob's new in-laws. And Bryna's parents were there, so Holden got to see his grandma and grandpa. We spent lots of time driving around the Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill area, either looking for someone to eat or letting Holden get a nap in the car. The weather was absolutely awesome, and we were so lucky to get there immediately after a Tropical Storm had dropped record rainfall on the entire region.

The other big excitement was Holden's first flight! We had been nervous about this one for months, fearing the worst but hoping for the best. Every time I have flown since Holden's birth and heard a screaming baby, I always thought to myself, "That's going to be Holden one day." But nothing could have been farther from the truth. Holden was a superstar while on the plane. Bryna's mom had purchased Holden an extra seat for him (yes, grandma is pretty smart!), which worked out really well. He was able to just sit in his car seat the whole time. On the flight there, Holden slept for almost half the flight, and quietly played for the remainder of the trip. On the flight back to St. Louis, he slept the entire flight!! Yes, the entire flight! Very awesome!

And Holden loved the wedding, and meeting all these new people. He got to dress up in his fancy outfit (although he had to wear sweatpants, since the pants that came with that outfit were still too big for him). After the ceremony, Holden had to inspect all of the flower petals to see which ones were real and which ones were fake. We stayed at the reception for quite a while, until Holden pooped out and we had to go back to the hotel. All in all, a very fun weekend, and Holden was a rock star!!!