Tending to that other baby...

So for the few strangers out there who happen upon our blog and don't already know who we are, along with being Holden's mom, I am also a PhD candidate in art history. This means I have another baby named "dissertation" that I am working to bring into this world. Recently, this baby has been going through the "terrible twos"--and I've had to spend a lot of time nurturing it (ie applying for grants), which is why I've been somewhat lagging on my blog-posting duties. But now, after a whirlwind of conference talks, proposals, and grant applications, my schedule is finally easing up a bit. And what better way to mark this moment than to start the first in a series of posts that focuses on balancing mothering and academia.

Here's the obvious: balancing it all can be tough. It can cause bouts of guilt. You can make you start to question your choices, and there are moments when a person doing this going into academia, especially, wonders if there's any point at all to this whole project. But for me, I can't imagine not working. And more than that--I've found myself even more productive in school since I had a child, and more fulfilled as a parent when I take the time to nurture my intellectual side. But as many out there in academia have noted, there are a lot of obstacles to overcome in this particular career field. Hence, my decision to spend a little more time talking about this issue over the coming days.

Busy Mommy

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....or so goes my life right now as a PhD student trying to juggle grant applications, conference papers, and a walking toddler. Since Holden started daycare, my academic work has kicked into high gear, and I've had hardly a moment to fully process--and put into words--my thoughts on this first year as a mother. That said, I really do have much to say on the matter, and promise, after a whirlwind round of deadlines passes in the next couple of weeks, that I will reflect back on the year.

One Week

Today marks the first week that I return to full-time classes (as a TA, while dissertating), and the last week that I star in the dual roll of full-time student, full-time mom. Yes, Holden is going off to day care next week. How do I feel? Depends on when you ask, but mostly...ready for it.

Yes, I'm sad that our days together will come to an end, but I'm also excited, so very very excited to have uninterrupted work time. The kind of writing-related work time in which you can--if you want--sit alone at your desk reciting your words out loud, to see if they sound as good as they look, and not have to worry about waking anyone up. The kind of work time that involves being able to dive into a theoretically dense text and really, really, spend time wrestling with and conquering it. I'm sure that Mike is ready too--there were some days this summer, when I was trying to balance teaching and parenting, that I think I drove him mad.

I'm also grateful. I'm grateful that I had the rare opportunity to be full-time academic and mom (even it was hard to maintain that balance sometimes), and to be able to fully experience the wondrous thing that is Holden. This was thanks mainly to a husband who wanted to be more than your average dad. The work-life balance is a big messy unresolved issue in academia. There's no way I could have written an article and proposal in the spring, or taught a class in the summer, without him.

So now we wait, excited, nervous about how it will all go for next week.