Today marks the first week that I return to full-time classes (as a TA, while dissertating), and the last week that I star in the dual roll of full-time student, full-time mom. Yes, Holden is going off to day care next week. How do I feel? Depends on when you ask, but mostly...ready for it.
Yes, I'm sad that our days together will come to an end, but I'm also excited, so very very excited to have uninterrupted work time. The kind of writing-related work time in which you can--if you want--sit alone at your desk reciting your words out loud, to see if they sound as good as they look, and not have to worry about waking anyone up. The kind of work time that involves being able to dive into a theoretically dense text and really, really, spend time wrestling with and conquering it. I'm sure that Mike is ready too--there were some days this summer, when I was trying to balance teaching and parenting, that I think I drove him mad.
I'm also grateful. I'm grateful that I had the rare opportunity to be full-time academic and mom (even it was hard to maintain that balance sometimes), and to be able to fully experience the wondrous thing that is Holden. This was thanks mainly to a husband who wanted to be more than your average dad. The work-life balance is a big messy unresolved issue in academia. There's no way I could have written an article and proposal in the spring, or taught a class in the summer, without him.
So now we wait, excited, nervous about how it will all go for next week.
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