Recently, Mike and I have been receiving a lot of questions from friends and readers about sleep issues. I don't think this is because we are experts (far from it), but we've tried to talk openly about sleep here on the blog because we have come to realize its a) important; and b) the sleep books don't address the quirks and challenges that come along with the territory. Nor, might I add, do the books address the dynamic ever-changing miracle that is a baby--who grows, and gets sick, and teethes, and learns to crawl, stand, and walk--at least not in any comprehensive way. So in an effort to keep the conversation going, I wanted to post a question that a commenter asked:
"My husband and I have a 15 week old son and want to use a cry it out method to sleep train, but it's the missed feedings we feel terrible about...did you get your little boy up to nurse, then start over, or do they just go cold turkey? This would involve missing 2 usual feedings...it feels like no one addresses the issue on the net...do I need to get a book or what? Would love to know what worked..."
I remember being that parent, who hunted the internet and asking friends for answers, doing insane things to get him to nap (driving him around, for instance), wondering if anything would ever work. I sympathize!
To address the last question first, it's certainly up to you, but we used a book--and we read at least a couple of them. I don't think one specific method works better than any other, but if you use a book--and stick to it--you have a clear guide to follow. Something tangible, and spelled out. Something your can pour over in the evening while you're using the method. And here's hard part: don't second-guess yourself about it. Just use the book, to the letter, for a WHILE (more than 3 days or even a week). It's hard but you have to trust the process. My husband would write down how long it took for Holden to fall asleep on the back page of the book; it became part of his process, and was strangely meditative.
We used Jodi Mindell's book, but we also bought and read a beat up old copy of Weissbluth. I couldn't personally like the Weissbluth method because I find it too cruel (put them in the crib, walk away, and don't come back to check), but his book helped me understand how sleep works in babies. And for us, understanding the science behind it all helped us attack the problem.
As for the night feedings...according to Mindell, you should only do check/cry method at bedtime. If they wake up during the middle of the night, she says to soothe them however you normally would (if that means nursing them to sleep, so be it). Once they learn to fall asleep on their own, she argues, they won't wake up as much. For us, this seemed to be true. Almost immediately after we started sleep training, he stopped waking up in the middle of the night. He didn't actually seem to need those extra night feedings. We never woke him up for extra feedings, I just fed on demand during the day. And because I was a bit paranoid, I usually "cluster fed" in the evening (fed him several times within a few hours) to "tank him up." This may mean feeding your baby a couple of extra times during the day. But it's worth it, I think, for a solid nights sleep for you and him/her.
And here's the thing about sleep that took us a while to not only accept, but embrace. They will still wake up sometimes. They will have bad nights, and they will teethe, and they will have days when they don't want to nap (like today!) because that's a part of being human. I still nurse him in the middle of the night when he wakes up, because it's a soothing technique that works. And now, even if they catch me by surprise, I treasure those nights, because I realize that there are only a few months left that he'll even want to nurse (heck, he fights it during the daytime already!). I never thought I'd say that when he was 4 months old, and we were desperately searching for a solution, but it's true!
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